Today, I had my one year follow-up appointment to my "total knee replacement"... why the "quotes" around an obviously true statement? Because my cyborg overlords have required me to state that I am now a fully functional Cyborg Sapien. That's right... cyborgs walk the Earth and its usually where you least expect it.
Cyborgs will walk the Earth. They already ARE! Look around you. Do you see that harmless looking old lady? She’s carrying a too-large purse and reading every label in the soup aisle at the grocery store. Yeah, she’s a cyborg. That young man in the track pants and high-tech new trainers? Yeah, cyborg. They walk among us and there is nothing we can do to stop them.
*BEEEEP*BRRRRRRPPP*BLEEEEP*
REBOOT
Sorry about that. I was repeating an old program from over a year ago. Let me rephrase a little...
I had my follow-up appointment. I apologized to Doc Bones for still being as big as a proverbial house- because obviously, I'm not literally as big as a house. Although I do cast a mighty shadow... I got the feeling he was a bit disappointed in my lack of slimness... in my overabundance in gravitational pull... in my largess, (large ass?)... but I also explained the mish-mash of medical hell I've gone through since the surgery on March 18, 2009. Most recently, I've been diagnosed as anemic, so that's fun and oh-so-conducive to one losing weight. (fatigue, muscle cramps, breathlessness in doing normal activities- to name a few). Plus I have this lovely issue with my feet, which are hellishly painful. Aside from the already-known bone spurs and plantar faciitis, I've also got some "Achilles Tendon nerve impingement". Yeah, sounds delicious, doesn't it? (No worries, I have a podiatry appointment tomorrow- Friday, March 19 for those of you not reading this at the very moment I post it).
Speaking of the podiatrist- and we'll get back to our Cyborg update in a few- last year, that jerk doctor I had (you remember him? Kept telling me I was overweight and THAT was the cause of my problems instead of my knees being the cause of the weight, which is what the problem actually was) told me in the first week of December 2008 that "We've exhausted all other options" and that he'd send me a "letter of reference" so I could see a non-VA doctor for my knee. It took a month to reach me. A MONTH! My new doctor- whom I've been seeing since October '09- told me last Thursday (March 11th) that she'd send me a letter of reference to see a podiatrist. She left the room to talk to the attending physician about my medicines and such and came back in with the letter! Two days later, I got another copy in the mail! That's right... she handed it to me right then and there! That jerk doctor was using it as just another way to dick around with me. I'm so glad he's gone, but I pity his future patients. Good luck, future patients. I hope you're thin and healthy, because he seems to hate fat people (I had some issues confirmed by the lab guy who took my blood last week- he had the same exact problem with that doctor).
Now back to our regularly scheduled update...
The good news is that my body seems to have accepted Steve Austin willingly, if not a bit delayed. My thigh bone is growing over the edges of the implant a little bit. That's good. I tried to get photos of my X-rays, but the monitor in the doctor's office is a privacy monitor, so I couldn't get a decent shot. The white of the X-ray is too bright and washes out the details in the implant. So, yeah, sorry about the lack of photos. I tried to tweak with the color/brightness/nerd stuff/etc in my Photoshop program, but apparently the Cyborg assimilation doesn't include super-nerd-powers that involve instant computer program knowledge. I'm going to have to leave something in the suggestion box at the next Cyborg Convention.
Doc Bones (as he was called for a long while in my older blogs) said that I'm to avoid high-impact activities such as running, jumping and so on. I can bike ride (gotta get a bike that can hold my fat ass), walk, do yoga, and swim and any other thing that doesn't involve my slamming the metal joint into the plastic part in the middle. Doc Bones said that its almost a universal consensus throughout the ortho world that high-impact activities will shorten the life of a cyborg body part. Sure, I CAN run and jump, but then I'd have to have my Cyborg parts upgraded sooner. I want Steve Austin to last as long as he possibly can and I can live a happy and full life without running or jumping. And I don't have to go back for another year.
Of course, if the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm totally screwed.
Cyborgs will walk the Earth. They already ARE! Look around you. Do you see that harmless looking old lady? She’s carrying a too-large purse and reading every label in the soup aisle at the grocery store. Yeah, she’s a cyborg. That young man in the track pants and high-tech new trainers? Yeah, cyborg. They walk among us and there is nothing we can do to stop them.
*BEEEEP*BRRRRRRPPP*BLEEEEP*
REBOOT
Sorry about that. I was repeating an old program from over a year ago. Let me rephrase a little...
I had my follow-up appointment. I apologized to Doc Bones for still being as big as a proverbial house- because obviously, I'm not literally as big as a house. Although I do cast a mighty shadow... I got the feeling he was a bit disappointed in my lack of slimness... in my overabundance in gravitational pull... in my largess, (large ass?)... but I also explained the mish-mash of medical hell I've gone through since the surgery on March 18, 2009. Most recently, I've been diagnosed as anemic, so that's fun and oh-so-conducive to one losing weight. (fatigue, muscle cramps, breathlessness in doing normal activities- to name a few). Plus I have this lovely issue with my feet, which are hellishly painful. Aside from the already-known bone spurs and plantar faciitis, I've also got some "Achilles Tendon nerve impingement". Yeah, sounds delicious, doesn't it? (No worries, I have a podiatry appointment tomorrow- Friday, March 19 for those of you not reading this at the very moment I post it).
Speaking of the podiatrist- and we'll get back to our Cyborg update in a few- last year, that jerk doctor I had (you remember him? Kept telling me I was overweight and THAT was the cause of my problems instead of my knees being the cause of the weight, which is what the problem actually was) told me in the first week of December 2008 that "We've exhausted all other options" and that he'd send me a "letter of reference" so I could see a non-VA doctor for my knee. It took a month to reach me. A MONTH! My new doctor- whom I've been seeing since October '09- told me last Thursday (March 11th) that she'd send me a letter of reference to see a podiatrist. She left the room to talk to the attending physician about my medicines and such and came back in with the letter! Two days later, I got another copy in the mail! That's right... she handed it to me right then and there! That jerk doctor was using it as just another way to dick around with me. I'm so glad he's gone, but I pity his future patients. Good luck, future patients. I hope you're thin and healthy, because he seems to hate fat people (I had some issues confirmed by the lab guy who took my blood last week- he had the same exact problem with that doctor).
Now back to our regularly scheduled update...
The good news is that my body seems to have accepted Steve Austin willingly, if not a bit delayed. My thigh bone is growing over the edges of the implant a little bit. That's good. I tried to get photos of my X-rays, but the monitor in the doctor's office is a privacy monitor, so I couldn't get a decent shot. The white of the X-ray is too bright and washes out the details in the implant. So, yeah, sorry about the lack of photos. I tried to tweak with the color/brightness/nerd stuff/etc in my Photoshop program, but apparently the Cyborg assimilation doesn't include super-nerd-powers that involve instant computer program knowledge. I'm going to have to leave something in the suggestion box at the next Cyborg Convention.
Doc Bones (as he was called for a long while in my older blogs) said that I'm to avoid high-impact activities such as running, jumping and so on. I can bike ride (gotta get a bike that can hold my fat ass), walk, do yoga, and swim and any other thing that doesn't involve my slamming the metal joint into the plastic part in the middle. Doc Bones said that its almost a universal consensus throughout the ortho world that high-impact activities will shorten the life of a cyborg body part. Sure, I CAN run and jump, but then I'd have to have my Cyborg parts upgraded sooner. I want Steve Austin to last as long as he possibly can and I can live a happy and full life without running or jumping. And I don't have to go back for another year.
Of course, if the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm totally screwed.