Once in a while, I get a bee in my bonnet. That would be annoying, wouldn't it? A bee in your bonnet would get tangled in your hair, sting your head... on to the ranting...
1. The ATM.
The ATM is just that- an automated teller machine. You transfer funds, you get cash, you can even make a deposit (though I don't know who would do that). It isn't for the act of hostile takeovers of a corporation. I have no idea what you were doing, sitting in your vehicle, pounding the keys at the ATM, scanning and re-scanning and pounding and re-pounding those keys. It isn't that difficult of a task, really. Slide card, choose language, enter PIN, choose a task, complete task, get receipt, drive away. If you have some massive banking deed that needs to be done, wouldn't it behoove you to just take it into the actual building? But you didn't... you sat in your car, trying to merge AT&T with Verizon or send messages to the Space Station... just stop! Get out of my way! I had to get cash... it took me less than thirty seconds to get through my task. Learn from it!
2. Drivers.
What the hell is wrong with you people? It isn't even Winter yet and you idiots have crawled out of your dark hovels already. I live on a fairly busy street. In fact, there are no stop signs on the street I live on till it curves up past the local park, and then it is six blocks down from the curve. The side streets either have a stop sign or a yield sign. Let me say, in a neighborhood filled with kids, there are signs all over the place: "Speed Limit 25 MPH" and then there's "15 MPH when children are present". Well, that's nearly all the time. There are three elementary schools in a half mile from my house. There are two branches of a daycare (and "after-school care") down the street. The speed limit is nearly always 15 MPH because kids are nearly always around. In a neighborhood, I do 25 MPH on the nose... yet, you come flying down a side street going faster than 25 MPH and start to turn at your yield sign without even looking in my direction. When you finally flip your head over this way, you slam on your brakes and then swear as I pass you. How do I know you're swearing? I can read lips, Sparky. Cussing out that "stupid fucking truck" and the "dumb bitch" driving it was a little ignorant on your part. And tailgating me when you had to follow me? Yeah, smart move. If I did hit my brakes and you ended up hitting me, the trailer hitch package I have welded to the frame of my truck would have torn up that pretty little fiberglass bonnet on the front of your small car. Pick your battles, Sparky. A two-door sedan against a pick-up truck isn't one you want to start.
"STOP signs" are not a suggestion. They put a full-stop there because it isn't safe to just roll on through. "YIELD signs" mean "slow down, prepare to stop", not slow down slightly, then gun it wildly to get out front of the pack of cars.
I swear, one of these days I'm going to flip out and go Jack Nicholson on your windshield with my cane.
3. Part of a driving thing- TEEN drivers.
You are not indestructible. You are just as frail as I am when several thousand pounds of metal crunches together. I don't know where you learned to drive or if your parents know you're driving their cars in the manner you're driving them, but if you were my kid, I'd kick your ass. Speeding through a parking lot, while there are hundreds of teens walking through? Not smart. Swerving in and out of parked cars? Not smart. Turning corners in the parking lot without looking? You know, you deserve it if you get hurt in an accident. The people you hit, though, don't. And tailgating me when we reach the street, so not a good idea. If you're following me so close that I can't see your headlights, then you'd deserve it if I hit my brakes and you plowed into me. Having been in a rear-ending crash before (as a backseat passenger, in a car struck by a drunk driver), I can tell you I would never slam on my brakes to prove a point. But, if I do need to stop short for whatever reason, how are YOU going to stop before you hit me? Granted, my truck can take a hit better than that car I was in, back in those olden days, but I'd rather not test out the durability of GM's craftsmanship.
4. People in waiting rooms.
Maybe its just me. Maybe, being brought up in the military health system, I'm a little more tolerant about long waits in the ER. But, complaining loudly to no one isn't going to help. Complaining loudly to the receptionist or the nurses, not going to help. In the ER, patients are seen on a severity basis. Meaning, if you come in because you've got the flu or a head cold or whatever other ailment you don't think you can handle alone and then a woman in labor comes in or someone with chest pains or a head injury... yeah, they're going in before you. In case you haven't heard, the ER is for "emergency" medical problems, not your general health problems. I know a lot of people use the ER as if it were a general practitioner's office. But that's what "urgent care" is for... I've used both- the ER and UC. I've gone to UC before, only to be told they couldn't help me and they sent me to the ER. So, stop complaining loudly in the waiting room. Stop complaining to the receptionist or the nurses. They're just doing their jobs. Get over yourself and maybe try nursing your head cold on your own.
4- sub-section A. Children in waiting rooms.
I get it. You can't always get a babysitter for your kid. I've got kids too. I've had to take them places with me before. But guess what. My kids were always behaved. I brought things with us to keep them entertained. I kept them quiet and I didn't let them disturb other people. In case you didn't notice, there are sick people in the waiting room. We were at the ER on Monday night because Jase may have broken his hand. There were three kids, all under the age of two (from three different families) who were allowed to run rampant. They climbed on stuff, ran around screeching and squealing, kept getting in the way of people walking, throwing magazines, and bothering some people who were clearly unwell. Why are they there? They were definitely not sick enough to be at the ER. If you child is running around and squealing in delight as they throw magazines on the floor, chances are whatever is "ailing them" isn't all that bad. There was a man there holding a bucket and moaning loudly. A few times, it looked like he was going to lose his dinner. And you let your kids run up to him and poke at him and talk to him. What if this guy had that dreaded Swine flu? Why would you risk letting your kids get exposed to anything somebody else had? Control your kids, you jerks. I guarantee you if little Junior came over to me and hit me in my surgical leg with the same force he smashed into the guy who was sitting with his head back and eyes closed, there would have been a huge scene and you would have learned some new words when I cussed you out for your parenting skills.
5. Out-of-town guests.
Give me more than eight days notice that you've decided to visit. You know we have animals who live indoors and you know the largest of these animals dislikes strangers. And by giving me only eight days- you're losing a day. I have an appointment at the VA that I can guarantee is going to take nearly all day. Ceej has a dentist appointment. In a perfect world, those two appointments wouldn't have happened on the same day. I got a letter from the VA telling me my appointment was September 11th. But then I called the automated system to get refills and found out that they rescheduled it to the 14th. So, I'll be gone most of that day. The kids will be in school and the disabled guy has to take Ceej to the dentist. I have no idea what your plans were for that day, but hey, if you'd have given more notice (or even called ME instead of the disabled guy), I could have told you about those appointments or had time to reschedule them. As it is, I've had that VA appointment for over a month. Ceej's dentist appointment has been scheduled for almost two months.
Oh and a side-note: if I get home from the VA and find out that my dog was put outside while I was gone, you're going to learn a whole bunch of new words when I cuss out your son for doing that to my dog. All our pets are indoor pets. There is no changing that, I don't care how much you hate animals. My dog isn't going outside in the heat with no shade because you don't like dogs indoors. (I keep referring to a single dog because Gypsy is the 80 lb German Shepherd who doesn't like strangers. The other three are the Chihuahuas who may be loud and annoying, but can't do much harm).
6. Rude people in line.
Much like your cousins, the rude people in waiting rooms, you're all idiots. How is bitching out the cashier helping us move along faster? How is it the cashier's fault that there are no extra lanes open? Can it be the cashier's fault that nobody was scheduled? Or that the people who were scheduled didn't show up? How is berating that person going to get you out any sooner? If it were me, I'd purposefully leave a security tag on something you purchased, just so you get stopped at the door, thereby delaying you further.
You're only making yourself look foolish. And your kids are embarrassed to be seen with you.
7. Fashion disasters.
Okay, I know I don't live in a fashion mecca like Hollywood or New York City. I don't expect people to dress up to go be rude in lines at the store. But, there are little things... don't wear PJ pants out in public! Wearing thick fleece PJ pants in bright green with little Mickey Mouse heads all over them makes you look like an idiot. Especially when its almost 90 degrees Fahrenheit and you pair those thick fleece PJ pants with a small spaghetti-strapped tank top. Oh, and when you wear that little tank top, wear a matching colored bra or a brightly contrasting one. Wearing a skinny-strapped top with a big, wide-banded Cross-your-heart, bigger-than-a-chastity-belt bra... not a good match. Read a freakin' magazine sometime. You'll see your own picture in the "DON'T" column.
I know that last one was a bit petty. Okay, so they were all a bit petty. I can't help it. I've gained some of my freedom back after my surgery and I'm being exposed to these people far too much lately. Winter is coming and I'm sure there will be more rants. Especially of the driving kind. I've said it before, I'll say it again- it all boils down to common sense and common courtesy. Those things aren't very common, though, are they?
1. The ATM.
The ATM is just that- an automated teller machine. You transfer funds, you get cash, you can even make a deposit (though I don't know who would do that). It isn't for the act of hostile takeovers of a corporation. I have no idea what you were doing, sitting in your vehicle, pounding the keys at the ATM, scanning and re-scanning and pounding and re-pounding those keys. It isn't that difficult of a task, really. Slide card, choose language, enter PIN, choose a task, complete task, get receipt, drive away. If you have some massive banking deed that needs to be done, wouldn't it behoove you to just take it into the actual building? But you didn't... you sat in your car, trying to merge AT&T with Verizon or send messages to the Space Station... just stop! Get out of my way! I had to get cash... it took me less than thirty seconds to get through my task. Learn from it!
2. Drivers.
What the hell is wrong with you people? It isn't even Winter yet and you idiots have crawled out of your dark hovels already. I live on a fairly busy street. In fact, there are no stop signs on the street I live on till it curves up past the local park, and then it is six blocks down from the curve. The side streets either have a stop sign or a yield sign. Let me say, in a neighborhood filled with kids, there are signs all over the place: "Speed Limit 25 MPH" and then there's "15 MPH when children are present". Well, that's nearly all the time. There are three elementary schools in a half mile from my house. There are two branches of a daycare (and "after-school care") down the street. The speed limit is nearly always 15 MPH because kids are nearly always around. In a neighborhood, I do 25 MPH on the nose... yet, you come flying down a side street going faster than 25 MPH and start to turn at your yield sign without even looking in my direction. When you finally flip your head over this way, you slam on your brakes and then swear as I pass you. How do I know you're swearing? I can read lips, Sparky. Cussing out that "stupid fucking truck" and the "dumb bitch" driving it was a little ignorant on your part. And tailgating me when you had to follow me? Yeah, smart move. If I did hit my brakes and you ended up hitting me, the trailer hitch package I have welded to the frame of my truck would have torn up that pretty little fiberglass bonnet on the front of your small car. Pick your battles, Sparky. A two-door sedan against a pick-up truck isn't one you want to start.
"STOP signs" are not a suggestion. They put a full-stop there because it isn't safe to just roll on through. "YIELD signs" mean "slow down, prepare to stop", not slow down slightly, then gun it wildly to get out front of the pack of cars.
I swear, one of these days I'm going to flip out and go Jack Nicholson on your windshield with my cane.
3. Part of a driving thing- TEEN drivers.
You are not indestructible. You are just as frail as I am when several thousand pounds of metal crunches together. I don't know where you learned to drive or if your parents know you're driving their cars in the manner you're driving them, but if you were my kid, I'd kick your ass. Speeding through a parking lot, while there are hundreds of teens walking through? Not smart. Swerving in and out of parked cars? Not smart. Turning corners in the parking lot without looking? You know, you deserve it if you get hurt in an accident. The people you hit, though, don't. And tailgating me when we reach the street, so not a good idea. If you're following me so close that I can't see your headlights, then you'd deserve it if I hit my brakes and you plowed into me. Having been in a rear-ending crash before (as a backseat passenger, in a car struck by a drunk driver), I can tell you I would never slam on my brakes to prove a point. But, if I do need to stop short for whatever reason, how are YOU going to stop before you hit me? Granted, my truck can take a hit better than that car I was in, back in those olden days, but I'd rather not test out the durability of GM's craftsmanship.
4. People in waiting rooms.
Maybe its just me. Maybe, being brought up in the military health system, I'm a little more tolerant about long waits in the ER. But, complaining loudly to no one isn't going to help. Complaining loudly to the receptionist or the nurses, not going to help. In the ER, patients are seen on a severity basis. Meaning, if you come in because you've got the flu or a head cold or whatever other ailment you don't think you can handle alone and then a woman in labor comes in or someone with chest pains or a head injury... yeah, they're going in before you. In case you haven't heard, the ER is for "emergency" medical problems, not your general health problems. I know a lot of people use the ER as if it were a general practitioner's office. But that's what "urgent care" is for... I've used both- the ER and UC. I've gone to UC before, only to be told they couldn't help me and they sent me to the ER. So, stop complaining loudly in the waiting room. Stop complaining to the receptionist or the nurses. They're just doing their jobs. Get over yourself and maybe try nursing your head cold on your own.
4- sub-section A. Children in waiting rooms.
I get it. You can't always get a babysitter for your kid. I've got kids too. I've had to take them places with me before. But guess what. My kids were always behaved. I brought things with us to keep them entertained. I kept them quiet and I didn't let them disturb other people. In case you didn't notice, there are sick people in the waiting room. We were at the ER on Monday night because Jase may have broken his hand. There were three kids, all under the age of two (from three different families) who were allowed to run rampant. They climbed on stuff, ran around screeching and squealing, kept getting in the way of people walking, throwing magazines, and bothering some people who were clearly unwell. Why are they there? They were definitely not sick enough to be at the ER. If you child is running around and squealing in delight as they throw magazines on the floor, chances are whatever is "ailing them" isn't all that bad. There was a man there holding a bucket and moaning loudly. A few times, it looked like he was going to lose his dinner. And you let your kids run up to him and poke at him and talk to him. What if this guy had that dreaded Swine flu? Why would you risk letting your kids get exposed to anything somebody else had? Control your kids, you jerks. I guarantee you if little Junior came over to me and hit me in my surgical leg with the same force he smashed into the guy who was sitting with his head back and eyes closed, there would have been a huge scene and you would have learned some new words when I cussed you out for your parenting skills.
5. Out-of-town guests.
Give me more than eight days notice that you've decided to visit. You know we have animals who live indoors and you know the largest of these animals dislikes strangers. And by giving me only eight days- you're losing a day. I have an appointment at the VA that I can guarantee is going to take nearly all day. Ceej has a dentist appointment. In a perfect world, those two appointments wouldn't have happened on the same day. I got a letter from the VA telling me my appointment was September 11th. But then I called the automated system to get refills and found out that they rescheduled it to the 14th. So, I'll be gone most of that day. The kids will be in school and the disabled guy has to take Ceej to the dentist. I have no idea what your plans were for that day, but hey, if you'd have given more notice (or even called ME instead of the disabled guy), I could have told you about those appointments or had time to reschedule them. As it is, I've had that VA appointment for over a month. Ceej's dentist appointment has been scheduled for almost two months.
Oh and a side-note: if I get home from the VA and find out that my dog was put outside while I was gone, you're going to learn a whole bunch of new words when I cuss out your son for doing that to my dog. All our pets are indoor pets. There is no changing that, I don't care how much you hate animals. My dog isn't going outside in the heat with no shade because you don't like dogs indoors. (I keep referring to a single dog because Gypsy is the 80 lb German Shepherd who doesn't like strangers. The other three are the Chihuahuas who may be loud and annoying, but can't do much harm).
6. Rude people in line.
Much like your cousins, the rude people in waiting rooms, you're all idiots. How is bitching out the cashier helping us move along faster? How is it the cashier's fault that there are no extra lanes open? Can it be the cashier's fault that nobody was scheduled? Or that the people who were scheduled didn't show up? How is berating that person going to get you out any sooner? If it were me, I'd purposefully leave a security tag on something you purchased, just so you get stopped at the door, thereby delaying you further.
You're only making yourself look foolish. And your kids are embarrassed to be seen with you.
7. Fashion disasters.
Okay, I know I don't live in a fashion mecca like Hollywood or New York City. I don't expect people to dress up to go be rude in lines at the store. But, there are little things... don't wear PJ pants out in public! Wearing thick fleece PJ pants in bright green with little Mickey Mouse heads all over them makes you look like an idiot. Especially when its almost 90 degrees Fahrenheit and you pair those thick fleece PJ pants with a small spaghetti-strapped tank top. Oh, and when you wear that little tank top, wear a matching colored bra or a brightly contrasting one. Wearing a skinny-strapped top with a big, wide-banded Cross-your-heart, bigger-than-a-chastity-belt bra... not a good match. Read a freakin' magazine sometime. You'll see your own picture in the "DON'T" column.
I know that last one was a bit petty. Okay, so they were all a bit petty. I can't help it. I've gained some of my freedom back after my surgery and I'm being exposed to these people far too much lately. Winter is coming and I'm sure there will be more rants. Especially of the driving kind. I've said it before, I'll say it again- it all boils down to common sense and common courtesy. Those things aren't very common, though, are they?