Yeah, baby, I got that bone-replacement slang down! I'm exactly four and a half months after my Total Knee-Replacement. Or as I like to refer to it: Cyborg assimiliation reassignment. See, before the whole thing happened, I was full of lame-ass jokes like that. Cyborg, bionic, "borg" because I'm just nerdy enough to know its a Star Trek reference. (For the nerd-record, I'm a fan of the original Trek, I've never watched the "next generation", but I do know that sexy Patrick Stewart was, at one point, turned into a borg, and that "borg" is a "cyborg" thing). Yeah, I know admitting that just ups my street cred... bask in it, bask in my awesome nerdy-ness.
At four and a half months, I was hoping that I'd be closer to fully recovered. I was also hoping that I'd be back to exercising on a semi-regular basis by May... then June... Now, I did walk in June- twice... on a Tuesday and then a Thursday. A whole mile each day. When Saturday rolled around, I could barely get out of bed to walk downstairs much less slip on my snazzy white and red Avias and trek a half mile down the road. And I haven't tried since. Okay, that's not entirely true... I've gotten up, put on my walking clothes (as I do every day, my "walking clothes" being a pair of ratty track pants and my neon green "snopes" T-shirt). But, I just can't get out the door. My leg either hurts, or the knee is swollen. Sometimes my ankle is swollen.
I've been sitting around, feeling a bit sorry for myself. Woe is me, I'm not as recovered as I'd hoped to be. I want to walk again. I want to lose this weight. I want to be ME again... and it just isn't happening. I have those days where I barely want to get out of bed in the morning. I almost can't muster the strength- mostly the inner-strength- to deal with the pain and discomfort I feel daily. I'm not really "in pain" in the proper sense of "pain". It really can be described as "discomfort". People who haven't dealt with pain on a regular basis don't seem to realize the mental strength it takes to face each day. That alone can be exhausting. I read something online that described the advancement of post-TKR patients. By six months, one should feel "75% normal". I really shouldn't read crap like that online, I just end up disappointed in myself. Part of my "pain", when it is painful, is scar-related. My scar tightens up and when I move it, I feel like I have to re-stretch it. That's an issue to discuss at my surgical follow-up (September 3rd).
So, as I said, I've been feeling sorry for myself. What have I done to myself? Why was this a good idea? Well, Sparky, if the surgery hadn't happened, I'd still be in daily agony with pain. I would have had to begged the VA doctor to up my pain meds as it was getting to the intolerable point in the daytime. At least now I'm not in any pain in a passive way. I can sit and lay down and move around without tears in my eyes and clenching my teeth in an effort to move my leg. So, progress is being made. Slowly, but surely.
Today on my Facebook (which I seem to like more now, as there's barely a space limit on status updates, unlike MySpace- which gives me 140 characters. Me... only 140 to tell my tale? Sure... *snerk*), my status listed everything I'd done today... all before 1130ish AM. What did I do? Well, I got up, "worked" online, played online, had breakfast, took the dogs out, did some laundry, put dinner in the crockpot (meatballs and sauce), took a short nap, showered, dressed, blow-dried, scheduled a doctor's appointment for the disabled guy, took the dogs out again, went to the store, brought everything in from the store, and started my lunch (I had frozen pizza, I typed my status while it was in the oven). So, it isn't like I'm just lolling around on my back on the sofa, demanding the peasants feed me grapes and fan me with giant feathers.
I may not be walking a mile or more for exercise. I may not be doing my yoga (by the way, I can't get on the floor. I tried. Hilarity ensued and it was difficult to get up, partly from my knee issue and partly from laughing too hard). But I'm doing more and more day-to-day stuff. And I suppose that is a start. I was hoping to lose a significant amount of weight before my next VA appointment. Well, I have that appointment next week and I haven't lost any weight. But then, I have a new doctor and unless this person doesn't speak English and was transported from the 1950s, he/she can't be worse than the insensitive clod I had before. I was hoping to be able to wave the weight-loss in that doctor's face. He was the one who insisted that the reason my knees were bad was because I was fat. Not that I was fat because of the knees being bad (as was the case). But I digress.
So, while I have my days where I feel like an utter failure and can't believe what I've put myself through, I also have my days where I want to clap my hands like a demented monkey, declaring: "Look what I can do!" Then there are times when that demented monkey-clapping and sarcasm blend together and I go into a: "Look what I can do! I can tie my own shoes! YAAAAY!"
"Awww, look at her... she's so proud of herself. Let's give her a cookie."
"Yaaaay! Cookie!" *demented monkey-applause*
The Milwaukee Beer City Tattoo Convention is this weekend. I would like to go (I'd really like to get another tattoo. I haven't had a new one in over a year). But, I won't know till Friday (or even Saturday morning), if I will have it in me to go. I also have to consider the expense as August is the month of school fees and school supplies. Last year's convention was on my birthday (literally). So, this time, its two months earlier. Threw a wrench into my plan, but still... Last year, I gimped around the convention using two canes and barely took any photos. Kat went with me and we were there for a couple hours, had lunch, stayed another hour and then left. I would really like to stay and enjoy the convention and some of the activities.
So, if I can go to the convention this weekend and survive it, it will be another thing to add to my list of achievements. My list isn't grand or full of impressive activities like rock-climbing or surfing, but on it is the fact I can bake cookies and cook whole meals for my family now. And sometimes, that's all I need.
At four and a half months, I was hoping that I'd be closer to fully recovered. I was also hoping that I'd be back to exercising on a semi-regular basis by May... then June... Now, I did walk in June- twice... on a Tuesday and then a Thursday. A whole mile each day. When Saturday rolled around, I could barely get out of bed to walk downstairs much less slip on my snazzy white and red Avias and trek a half mile down the road. And I haven't tried since. Okay, that's not entirely true... I've gotten up, put on my walking clothes (as I do every day, my "walking clothes" being a pair of ratty track pants and my neon green "snopes" T-shirt). But, I just can't get out the door. My leg either hurts, or the knee is swollen. Sometimes my ankle is swollen.
I've been sitting around, feeling a bit sorry for myself. Woe is me, I'm not as recovered as I'd hoped to be. I want to walk again. I want to lose this weight. I want to be ME again... and it just isn't happening. I have those days where I barely want to get out of bed in the morning. I almost can't muster the strength- mostly the inner-strength- to deal with the pain and discomfort I feel daily. I'm not really "in pain" in the proper sense of "pain". It really can be described as "discomfort". People who haven't dealt with pain on a regular basis don't seem to realize the mental strength it takes to face each day. That alone can be exhausting. I read something online that described the advancement of post-TKR patients. By six months, one should feel "75% normal". I really shouldn't read crap like that online, I just end up disappointed in myself. Part of my "pain", when it is painful, is scar-related. My scar tightens up and when I move it, I feel like I have to re-stretch it. That's an issue to discuss at my surgical follow-up (September 3rd).
So, as I said, I've been feeling sorry for myself. What have I done to myself? Why was this a good idea? Well, Sparky, if the surgery hadn't happened, I'd still be in daily agony with pain. I would have had to begged the VA doctor to up my pain meds as it was getting to the intolerable point in the daytime. At least now I'm not in any pain in a passive way. I can sit and lay down and move around without tears in my eyes and clenching my teeth in an effort to move my leg. So, progress is being made. Slowly, but surely.
Today on my Facebook (which I seem to like more now, as there's barely a space limit on status updates, unlike MySpace- which gives me 140 characters. Me... only 140 to tell my tale? Sure... *snerk*), my status listed everything I'd done today... all before 1130ish AM. What did I do? Well, I got up, "worked" online, played online, had breakfast, took the dogs out, did some laundry, put dinner in the crockpot (meatballs and sauce), took a short nap, showered, dressed, blow-dried, scheduled a doctor's appointment for the disabled guy, took the dogs out again, went to the store, brought everything in from the store, and started my lunch (I had frozen pizza, I typed my status while it was in the oven). So, it isn't like I'm just lolling around on my back on the sofa, demanding the peasants feed me grapes and fan me with giant feathers.
I may not be walking a mile or more for exercise. I may not be doing my yoga (by the way, I can't get on the floor. I tried. Hilarity ensued and it was difficult to get up, partly from my knee issue and partly from laughing too hard). But I'm doing more and more day-to-day stuff. And I suppose that is a start. I was hoping to lose a significant amount of weight before my next VA appointment. Well, I have that appointment next week and I haven't lost any weight. But then, I have a new doctor and unless this person doesn't speak English and was transported from the 1950s, he/she can't be worse than the insensitive clod I had before. I was hoping to be able to wave the weight-loss in that doctor's face. He was the one who insisted that the reason my knees were bad was because I was fat. Not that I was fat because of the knees being bad (as was the case). But I digress.
So, while I have my days where I feel like an utter failure and can't believe what I've put myself through, I also have my days where I want to clap my hands like a demented monkey, declaring: "Look what I can do!" Then there are times when that demented monkey-clapping and sarcasm blend together and I go into a: "Look what I can do! I can tie my own shoes! YAAAAY!"
"Awww, look at her... she's so proud of herself. Let's give her a cookie."
"Yaaaay! Cookie!" *demented monkey-applause*
The Milwaukee Beer City Tattoo Convention is this weekend. I would like to go (I'd really like to get another tattoo. I haven't had a new one in over a year). But, I won't know till Friday (or even Saturday morning), if I will have it in me to go. I also have to consider the expense as August is the month of school fees and school supplies. Last year's convention was on my birthday (literally). So, this time, its two months earlier. Threw a wrench into my plan, but still... Last year, I gimped around the convention using two canes and barely took any photos. Kat went with me and we were there for a couple hours, had lunch, stayed another hour and then left. I would really like to stay and enjoy the convention and some of the activities.
So, if I can go to the convention this weekend and survive it, it will be another thing to add to my list of achievements. My list isn't grand or full of impressive activities like rock-climbing or surfing, but on it is the fact I can bake cookies and cook whole meals for my family now. And sometimes, that's all I need.